Apa yang ada dalam benak dan otakku saat ini tengah menyakitiku perlahan. Aku tidak pernah meminta rasa itu, tapi knapa ia harus datang tiba-tiba disaat segalanya sedang tenang. Di mana aku harus bersandar jika hal itu terjadi lagi, aku takut. Rasanya tak ada lagi stok air mata yang tersisa. Sialan, sialan.....aku benci rasa itu.
Ya Alloh, salahkah aku? aku takut semuanya akan terjadi lagi, saya lelah Ya Rabb...lelah sekali.
Hati saya lelah.....tolong saya...! Dewasakan hati ini agar menjadi tenang.
Why does it happen again, again and again?
I hate this feeling, fuckin' damn feeling...Gosh, it'll hurt me sooner or later.
Why, it comes to me again when I'm on the sky.
I don't wanna be such silly person who is always waiting for tears.
I never wanna be.
Alloh help me out to dump this thing away.
I ain't gonna cry no more.
I promise.................................................
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Sounds in my heart
Everyday is a way for me to conclude everything, but I still dont realize what kind of life it is.
I hope I could turn back the time coz it is hard to believe. Watching their smile in front of me is a time to draw back all I've got. I dream about the situation where I can pour up my minds in words. I really wish, wish and wish....tomorrow will be on my side. God, do you hear me? I scream loudly. Do you see me? I am standing here with my all tears and waiting for your light.
I miss them, all sweet memories that have lost in the dark.
I dont wanna be a person who gets crazy in love. I know that love is just a thing can kill me fastly. I am tired, tired with all of them. It seems I'll walk by myself.
silly writing...in my computer......
Pagi Tanpa Cinta.....
Pagi ini, aku bangun tanpa cinta, pendek kata beban. Tidak ada satu wajah pun yang melintas, seperti setiap pagi di kos Asoka 2 tahun lalu. Wajah 1 lelaki, setiap pagi, setiap mata terbuka. Sangat menyiksa. Inilah yang ku inginkan, hidup yang seperti ini, tidak sedang mencinta. Bergegas mengguyur muka, bersujud pada yang Akbar, mohon keridhoan-Nya. Teringat satu janji, yang segera saja kuingkari dengan ketikan dosa, Maaf, Maaf..."Cinta-ku" aku tak boleh menatapmu besok, maka aku mengingkarinya. Sekali lagi juga pagi ini, kenapa pagi ini? entah, jangankan berpikir lagi, enyahlah dosa...! Esok, aku akan bertemu "soulmate" ku, kangen, kangen...ALLOH, Engkau Maha tahu isi hati ini, berilah dia sesuatu yang indah, karena aku mencintanya. Make all the dreams of my soulmate wishes for come true...please Alloh.
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SonG for The Vanity of Life
Sometimes, I think that life is not really fair, but that’s gonna be really hard to look forward for everything I’ve passed by. I have been walking for years by myself, without someone who really understands me at all. All the joys I reveal, those are fakeness of my life. I hate all of them who are pretending to be the nice one but actually, they’re just disgusting creatures I have met ever. What should I do? Grab my own soul without the consolation of God? I won’t do that, though slightly in my mind. I just wanna share these pains with people out there. Life is beautifully hard…is it true babe?
Finally, I found you here, yes…here in my blood, my heart, and go through in my fuckin’ damn soul. I just can’t believe everything that I see in my years of life. Love is silly thing that I worship for. Gosh, it blinds me with the light. For many times, I lost them, the A, B, C and so forth. For my goodness, those are not really irrational. All the eyes that see me, all the light that flare me, and all the trials that push me far from love. I promise I hate them all. The humiliation of love that I got, I swear I really curse them all. I don’t have any idea what actually I write in. I pour up the letters which have been hiding in my brain all years.
I admire someone who never seen me before. I am hurting through the letters that I type for him in every single day of my breath. I smile at the sun for him, I cry at the moon for him. Counting the pendulum swing without blinking my eyes just for him is a wonderful moment of my life. Crying out loud when he doesn’t hear my whispered tears is sucking thing. There will be no happy ending for my story but I really wished he could sleep here right beside my last grave. The last thing that he should remember about is just rest in peace with my lonely heart.
_RHeA_
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Finally, I found you here, yes…here in my blood, my heart, and go through in my fuckin’ damn soul. I just can’t believe everything that I see in my years of life. Love is silly thing that I worship for. Gosh, it blinds me with the light. For many times, I lost them, the A, B, C and so forth. For my goodness, those are not really irrational. All the eyes that see me, all the light that flare me, and all the trials that push me far from love. I promise I hate them all. The humiliation of love that I got, I swear I really curse them all. I don’t have any idea what actually I write in. I pour up the letters which have been hiding in my brain all years.
I admire someone who never seen me before. I am hurting through the letters that I type for him in every single day of my breath. I smile at the sun for him, I cry at the moon for him. Counting the pendulum swing without blinking my eyes just for him is a wonderful moment of my life. Crying out loud when he doesn’t hear my whispered tears is sucking thing. There will be no happy ending for my story but I really wished he could sleep here right beside my last grave. The last thing that he should remember about is just rest in peace with my lonely heart.
_RHeA_
Ini teNtaNg Rhea......
Aku ingin sekali pergi ke sebuah tempat di mana aku tidak akan pernah bertemu dengan semua orang tapi itu bukan mati. Karena waktuku terus berputar dan berputar walaupun aku telah mencoba untuk memutarbalikkan keadaan dalam keputusasaan. Kisahku akan berakhir tapi bukan sekarang.
Sekarang bukan waktunya menyalahkan siapapun atau apapun. Mungkin, aku sendiri yang harus disalahkan atas semua yang terjadi. Hari ini, rasanya aku ingin mati lagi, tapi aku tidak sanggup lagi memikirkan cara apalagi untuk bunuh diri. Pergi jauh dari semua manusia-manusia keparat dengan mendongakkan kepala dan menertawakan mereka, hingga aku bisa menangis bahagia. Kadang aku membayangkan, memikirkan dan merencanakan untuk membunuh semua orang yang bisa mengancam kebahagiaanku. Keparat, bangsat, peduli setaN...dengan semua kemanisan dan cinta yang telah membuatku merana. Aku hanya menunggu saatnya tiba, itu saja.
~RHEA~
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My First BloG...!!
(pake komputer kantor no 9, nge-net all the day)
Akhirnya, aku punya blog he...he...Bingung arep nulis opo, biasanya kalo udah ada ide, pasti banyak yang bisa ditulis tapi......kali ini mau coba-coba dulu aja deh! Kepalaku agak sedikit pening karena berkutat terlalu lama di depan komputer, apa jangan-jangan ketakutanku emang benar, minusku nambah. Ups, nambah lagi-nambah lagi. Karena udah kerja, hampir sebagian besar waktuku dihabiskan di kantor dan depan komputer kagak ada waktu untuk nge-gaul. Setelah kejar deadline akhirnya majalah siap cetak, rapat redaksi dan aku didaulat untuk ngrangkep jadi penyelaras bahasa. Aku kudu belajar jurnalistik lebih mendalam coz tanggung jawab moral ma Alloh, me myself and pemimpin redaksi. Ngga enak banget, udah di kasih amanah kok ngga do the best. Kalo kerja ngecawain amanah orang, yah sama aja boong dung!
Banyak orang yang aku rindukan hari ini; Kampus FIB UGM specially English class 2002, Bon-bin, Rina ( my bestmate, I love U all the way), Nia (Miss Ur Chirpy talks and careness), Lilin (I'm sorry, though I can't attend ur Big day, just trust me my heart will be there), Mita (I miss Ur calmness and wildness also), ViVi (I miss our silly and crazy behaviors all time), Nuri (gosh, I miss U damn much...You're just great)
DanK, inget-inget jangan nge-blog trus, ayo lanjutin kerjaannya....
Buat temen-temen yang knal ma aku, I Lop u all 0 comments
Akhirnya, aku punya blog he...he...Bingung arep nulis opo, biasanya kalo udah ada ide, pasti banyak yang bisa ditulis tapi......kali ini mau coba-coba dulu aja deh! Kepalaku agak sedikit pening karena berkutat terlalu lama di depan komputer, apa jangan-jangan ketakutanku emang benar, minusku nambah. Ups, nambah lagi-nambah lagi. Karena udah kerja, hampir sebagian besar waktuku dihabiskan di kantor dan depan komputer kagak ada waktu untuk nge-gaul. Setelah kejar deadline akhirnya majalah siap cetak, rapat redaksi dan aku didaulat untuk ngrangkep jadi penyelaras bahasa. Aku kudu belajar jurnalistik lebih mendalam coz tanggung jawab moral ma Alloh, me myself and pemimpin redaksi. Ngga enak banget, udah di kasih amanah kok ngga do the best. Kalo kerja ngecawain amanah orang, yah sama aja boong dung!
Banyak orang yang aku rindukan hari ini; Kampus FIB UGM specially English class 2002, Bon-bin, Rina ( my bestmate, I love U all the way), Nia (Miss Ur Chirpy talks and careness), Lilin (I'm sorry, though I can't attend ur Big day, just trust me my heart will be there), Mita (I miss Ur calmness and wildness also), ViVi (I miss our silly and crazy behaviors all time), Nuri (gosh, I miss U damn much...You're just great)
DanK, inget-inget jangan nge-blog trus, ayo lanjutin kerjaannya....
Buat temen-temen yang knal ma aku, I Lop u all 0 comments
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