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WARNA SEBUAH KESEDIHAN

tears...
courtesy by www.google.co.id


Aku adalah sebuah kegembiraan yang hadir dalam jiwa kesedihan seorang gadis yang beranjak dewasa. Gadis itu selalu bertanya kepadaku dimana kasih sayang yang terlewatkan di masa kecilnya. Hentakan dan pukulan kehidupan telah mematikan kebahagiaan yang seharusnya dimilikinya sejak kehidupan ini menyapa. Dia telah terjegal oleh kesedihan yang tak mungkin dia lupakan sampai ajal menjemputnya. Nafas kehidupan tidak akan berhenti sebelum air matanya kering terkuras habis oleh kesengsaraan.


Saat aku hadir dalam nadi hidup dan kesendiriannya, ia berteriak dan tertawa kegirangan melepas semua beban dalam hidupnya. Kesepian telah menyiksanya berabad-abad lamanya hingga membuat pikiran normalnya sebagai manusia hampir hilang bersama air mata. Aku sendiri tidak pernah bermimpi akan bertemu dengan sebuah cerita yang akan membawaku menjadi bagian indah dan sedih dalam kisah itu.

Gadis itu selalu berkisah kepadaku tentang mimpi-mimpinya saat dia terpasung derita. Taman-taman mimpi yang ia sirami dengan tetesan air mata hingga layu dan mati. Senyum lebar dan tawanya mengisyaratakan bahwa ia sedang merdeka dan akan selalu merdeka. Aku melintasi alam pikiran dan jiwanya untuk mengetahui masa lalu yang menyesakkan hidupnya selama ini. Kudapati dia adalah seorang putri yang sedang menunggu keajaiban dari semua mimpi-mimpi yang pernah ia ceritakan padaku.

Suatu malam dia pernah menangis di hadapanku dengan muka penuh memar. Dia merasa sangat kesakitan karena ada sesuatu dalam jiwa gadis itu yang selalu menyiksa tanpa henti. Dia memelukku dan memintaku jangan pernah meninggalkannya. Aku terdiam dan mati rasa dengan segala keterbatasan perasaanku. Tiada yang pernah lebih menyakitkan dalam hidupku kecuali menyaksikan drama kehidupan putri itu.

Dia selalu tersenyum manis kepadaku jika sedang berdiri di hadapanku. Walaupun sebenarnya aku tahu kalau hatinya sedang terluka. Apa yang harus aku lakukan untuknya? Terkadang pertanyaan itu melesat jauh dalam lubuk hatiku. Di mana aku menemukan cara untuk menyembuhkan lukanya? Selalu saja pertanyaan itu menyesakkan dadaku.

Sebuah kisah yang tidak akan pernah aku lupakan seumur hidup, sebuah kisah yang memeberiku pelajaran berharga tentang pedihnya kehidupan. Cerita ini kututurkan karena dia ingin dunia yang indah ini tahu tentang keberadaannya. Dia ingin dunia ini tahu tentang segala mimpi-mimpi indahnya. Sebuah kisah tentang seorang putri yang kehilangan ‘hidup’ dalam hidupnya.

1 comments

LAUGHTER IS MEDICINE


courtesy by Mas Arab

Everybody in this world laughs in his or her life. We may consider that laughter is not an important thing. We also think that laughter has no influence on our energy levels. Those kinds of perception are wrong because the fact it does. Recently, research has proved that laughing has beneficial effects on the body and mind.

On physical side, laughter can give us some benefits. When we laugh, our belly area and diaphragm are exercised. When people laugh hard, the often hold a hand on their belly. This abdominal movement deepens breathing, which allows more oxygen to the body and makes circulation more effective. It has been found that laughing expands blood vessels and speeds up tissue healing. Laughing also stimulates the production of endorphins (the body’s natural painkillers), burns off fat, and generally relaxes the muscles. In short, laughing really can make our body healthy.

On the emotional side, laughter is absolutely the best medicine for us. It is impossible to laugh heartily when our heart is anxious, tensed, or depressed. When we have a good laugh about what we have seen on TV or read in a book, just for a minute, we can absolutely forget our problems. Some people are over-whelmed by laughter. They sit on their chair helplessly, they bend forward, and they are laughing very loudly and do not care what they look like at the moment. Laughing is a lovely way to ease our problems. In brief, laughing is a medicine for our emotional matters.

Now we know that laughter is such important thing in part of our life. Since it is important for our body and mind, we should grateful that God still give us a chance to laugh. So where are you going to find a reason to laugh? Think about what have made you laugh in the past. Those can be funny experiences, books, or films. Do you have any friends or colleagues who have a good sense of humor? You should spend more time with them. Keep in mind; don’t laugh exaggeratedly because people will regard you as a lunatic.


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CONFESSION

light of candle
courtesy of Mas Arab


My mother said that her friend is goin’ to die because the desease that’s getting worse all day. She begins to lose her hair, she cries. She said that she is afraid to die. She doesn’t want to be buried and get tortured by the munkar and nakir (the angels of the grave)

Six feet under?
What kind of place is this?
God, I am afraid also to think about that thing. I am not ready for that thing called death.

Alloh, your’re who owns my life, please give me a long age to prepare all the things.
I don’t want to be someone who just wastes my time to feel the glamour of this world. It is just a while, but there’s no eternal place but
Ur afterworld.

I am just a fragile or nothing. But I still have my own feet to stand, walk and even run. I will use my hands to do something in ur ways and helping people who needs my deeds.
I can’t change the destiny which You have written in my palm hands, but at least I really wont give up to the faith. I will try with my all efforts to be a better and better person for You.

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MOTHER I LOVE U....


I really believe that everybody on this beautiful earth has a mother in their life. Just like me, I have a great mother whom I really love a lot. For me, my mother is someone who loves me and even sometimes I just can’t understand how she shows her love to me. My mother is the best gift that I’ve ever had in my life. She always makes me realize how good I am, gives all her best to me, encourages me to grab my dreams, and absolutely she is someone whom I can’t live without. Unfortunately, I have never realized how I love her so much and the way like I feel this time before God gave me a warning 2 years ago. I have a memory about my mother that has opened my eyes and changed me to be a good daughter. That memory has taught me the meaning of love for a mother, how I should care of her, how I should treat her and many more.

That memory happened on March 2002 when I was in the third grade of senior high school. My mother had been sick for more than a half of year and her health was very bad. She had never complained about her condition to her family and even she still went to work. On Wednesday morning, there was no body at home but only my mother and me. That morning, like usual I was watching my favourite TV programme when my mother was in the kitchen to wash the dishes. I actually had warned her not to do the daily activities but she didn’t listen to my admonition. I was disgruntled then I just let her did what she wanted to do. Suddenly, I heard my mother’s voice was calling my name loudly. I got shocked and rushed to the kitchen to find out what had happened to her. I couldn’t believe what I saw. My mother had collapsed on the floor in front of the bath room. I was so panicked and numb. My body was shaking and trembling. I could not move from the place I was standing by. I didn’t know what I had to do to help her. Then I tried to wake her up by shaking her body rudely but she was still unconscious. I started to cry loudly and called out her name several times. Hastily, she slowly opened her eyes and stared at me. I immediately helped her to stand and guided her to the bed room. After I had laid her down on the bed, I phoned my father to tell him that something had happened to my mother. Unluckily, my father wasn’t in his office at that moment so I left him a message. In that crucial condition, I had to do something for her. That sentence resound in my head all the time. Without asking her opinion, I took her to the hospital by taxi.

As soon as we had arrived in the hospital, some nurses took her to the emergency room. I was standing beside her when a doctor came and then examined her seriously. I was so nervous and tensed. I couldn’t help to weep because my mother looked so pale and weak. My heart was beating fast. In that kind of situation, I wished that I had a big brother to accompany me because I was so scared. In fact, there was no body beside me to share of. I just could bite my fingers to flee my fear. My head was spinning around. Suddenly, I got an idea to phone some friends in order to accompany me in the hospital. No longer after that, my friends came and comfort me with their ‘magic’ words. They said that I had to be strong and tough to face this problem. They also said that this was a God’s testing to me so I had to be patient. Maybe, sooner or later I would take some precious lessons from this kind of moment.

After more than an hour of examination, the doctor told me that my mother had to stay in the hospital for intensive treatment because my mother’s health was very bad. I agreed with the doctor’s suggestion then my mother was taken to a special room for treatment. She slept after she had an injection from a nurse. I assured my friends that I could take care of my mother by my self but they still insisted to accompany me. I was touched because I had many best friends who wanted to stay beside me in my bad times. My friends and I were waiting for my mother when my father and my sister arrived.

There was something unexpected happened. My mother’s health was getting weaker and weaker. The doctor explained that my mother’s haemoglobin level was dropped. She was in critical condition. I felt that my heart jumped out. I was scared and thought negatively all the time. I didn’t want her die. I stood by her side all the days because I was afraid of losing her from my life. Until one night, she called my name gently. She said to me that there was no longer for her to live in this world. I cried loudly when she said those words. She added that if she had passed away, I had to look after of my father and sister. My mother also said that she prayed for me so that I could be a good and successful woman in this life. I shed tears and stopped her saying things like that. I told her that she would recover as soon as possible. Then I went home and cried all night long. I kissed all her clothes and stared at her pictures. I prayed days and nights to God in order no to separate me from my mother. I asked Him to give me a second chance to love and take care of her with all my heart. I really didn’t want to lose her. I didn’t know what my life would be without her. Finally God answered all my prayers. She slowly recovered after she had stayed in the hospital for 2 months.

From that moment, I can take many precious lessons that can lead me to do something better as a daughter. I learn how I should take care of my mother and how to love her. I try my best to give her more attentions. I always obey everything she says because now I realize that mother’s words are mostly true. They also can bring us some goodness. Now the relationship between my mother and I are closer than before. I always talk and share my problems with her. She is just a good listener and adviser. I keep on telling to my self that I will make her happy for rest of her life. That is my vow. I’m grateful to God who has blessed me with such kind of miracle. He still gave me a second chance to see my mother who stands by my side until this day. Sometimes I think that I must be the happiest girl on earth. I may not be beautiful, smart or wealthy but I have a great mother who always smiles at me in every single of my days. All I can say “Mother……….I love you!” and I always will.

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SATURDAY MORNING MASSIVE EARTHQUAKE

see the crack...
courtesy of Zahirul Alwan

May, 27th 2006. It's Saturday morning at 05.55 a.m.

Just feel the shaking of the earth...
The Owner of this earth had waken us up with his saturday massive earthquake in Jogja and some other cities as well. Ladies and Gentleman, the warning of life had came to us...

What's goin' on dude? I am asking you...can you see the natural disasters here around us? The Merapi Volcano hasn't been really erupted yet. Its refugees still 'stranded' in the camps where they are not well-treated. So..here it is. See the morning earthquake came and filled the nice weekend with such tears. The nature just cant stand anymore with our behaviors which is always neglecting the "right paths". The 57 seconds earthquake should awake us that we are nothing because The Creator of this globe can take His anytime.
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Khamar...oh KhamaR

stairway to hell.....

"Barang siapa meminum seteguk khamar maka tidak diterima Allah amal fardhu dan sunatnya selama tiga hari. Dan siapa yang minum khamar segelas, maka Allah Taala tidak akan menerima amalnya selama empat puluh hari. Dan orang yang tetap minum khamar, maka selayaknya Allah memberinya dari 'Nahrul Khabal'."
Ketika ditanya, "Ya Rasulullah apakah "Nahrul Khabal itu?"

Rasulullah menjawab, "Darah bercampur nanah orang ahli neraka!
"

Just read it out...

Pada suatu hari, Umar Bin Khatab sedang berjalan-jalan di lorong Kota Madinah. Di ujung persimpangan jalan beliau bertemu dengan seorang pemuda yang sedang membawa sebuah kendi. Serta merta si pemuda itu pun menyembunyikan kendi yang dibawanya ke dalam kain sarung.
Melihat gelagat yang tidak wajar dari si pemuda, Umar Bin Khatab lantas bertanya, "Apa yang kau bawa wahai anak muda?"
Si pemuda pun panik mendengar pertanyaan sang khalifah yang terkenal dengan ketegasannya itu. Lalu ia menjawab dengan suara tergagap jika benda yang dibawanya berisi madu. Padahal sebenarnya kendi itu berisi khamar. Jauh dalam lubuk hati si pemuda, sebenarnya ia ingin sekali berhenti dari kebiasaannya minum air haram tersebut. Sesungguhnya ia menyesal telah melanggar apa yang dilarang oleh agama. Dan ia ingin sekali insyaf. Dalam penyesalannya, ia berdoa kepada Allah agar Khalifah Umar tidak memeriksa kendi yang dibawanya.
Karena tidak percaya dengan jawaban si pemuda, Khalifah Umar ingin membuktikan apa sebenarnya isi kendi itu. Rupanya doa tulus si pemuda untuk bertobat dikabulkan oleh Allah. Seketika itu juga kendi berisi khamar berubah menjadi madu. Allah memberikan kemudahan dan keselamatan pada si pemuda karena adanya niat yang ikhlas untuk bertaubat padaNya.

So guys...amazing banget ngga sih. Padahal pemuda itu baru niat dalam hatinya aja loh, Allah sudah sebegitu Maha Kasih pada hambaNya. Bagaimana kalo taubat itu sudah diaplikasikan dalm perbuatan yah? Mungkin aku sendiri juga belum jadi hambaNya yang baik. Tapi setidaknya kita bisa ambil pelajaran dari kisah di atas untuk menjadi hamba-hambaNya yang lebih baik. Amin.



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DIA YANG SATU


Rasulullah SAW berkata pada Ali Bin Abu Thalib "Katakanlah, Dialah Allah adalah Tuhan Yang Satu. Dialah Allah tempat bergantung. Dia tidak beranak dan tidak diperanakkan. Tidak ada sesuatu pun yang sepadan denganNya. Dialah Allah, yang tiada Tuhan selain Dia. Dia mengetahui yang samar dan yang nyata. Dialah Yang Maha Pengasih dan lagi Maha Penyayang. Jika Dia menghendaki sesuatu, Dia cukup mengatakan 'Jadi', maka jadilah yang dikehendakiNya. Dialah Allah, tiada Tuhan kecuali Dia, yang hidup abadi dan berdiri sendiri. Dia tidak dilanda kantuk, dan tidak juga tidur. Dia tidak dapat dilihat, tetapi Dia melihat semua makhlukNya. Dia mengetahui segala yang lembut, tidak ada yang tersembunyi baginya. Dialah yang kuasa membuat gembira atas duka cita. Dialah yang menghidupkan dan mematikan. Dia yang membangkitkan kehidupan dari kematian dan kematian ke kehidupan. Dia memberi hidup kepada bumi dan setelah kematiannya dan kepadaNya kita semua akan kembali. Adalah Dia, Allah, yang memiliki timur dan barat. Ke mana saja engkau berada, di situlah wajah Allah hadir dan mengetahui segalanya. Itulah Allah, Tuhanmu yang memilki kerajaan. Apa saja yang kau sebut selain dia, sedikit pun tidak mempunyai kekuasaan, meski cuma atas sebutir bintik putih di punggung biji kurma."
(Arroisi, Arman, Tarikh Nabi, hal 71-72) 0 comments

SPECIAL CORN SOUP

Special Corn Soup

Aku suka banget sama this delicious soup. Pertama nyobain nih masakan ngrasa rada-rada aneh. Kirain yang namanya sup itu pasti kuahnya bening kayak sup buatan emak. Eh ternyata ada juga sup yang kentel+buthek kayak pikiranku klo lagi BT. Nah pendek kata, Sup jagung ini agak-agak ngga ngepas di lidahku yang notabene lidah 'pedususunan', yang terbiasa dengan traditional cuisine. Tapi lama-kelamaan aku nagih banget sama sup yang aku kenal pas pertama kali nge-kos di Jogja ini. That's why I wanna share my special recipe of this corn soup with all of U. Check it out........
  • 4 sdm susu bubuk putih
  • 2 gelas kaldu ayam (+360)
  • 2 butir telur ayam
  • 2 sdm tepung terigu
  • 300 gr jagung pipilan
  • Garam dan lada secukupnya
  • Keju parut
  • Daun peterseli
Cara memasak:
  • Masak susu bubuk putih dicampur dengan kaldu ayam, aduk sampai mendidih. Lalu masukkan telur. Setelah tercampur rata, masukkan tepung terigu sedikit demi sedikit sambil diayak dan terus diaduk, masak dengan api yang kecil saja. Tunggu hingga matang. Angkat lalu saring.
  • Setelah disaring panaskan kembali diatas api. Masukkan jagung pipilan, garam dan lada secukupnya. Sebentar kemudian tuangkan ke mangkuk dan taburkan keju parut serta daun peterseli halus diatasnya.
Selamat mencoba aja yah.....




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Bersujud Kepada Sang Maha Sempurna


Bentangan sajadah hijau serta untaian butiran tasbih putih adalah saksi bisu air mataku mengharap cinta dan sayang Sang Penggegam Jiwaku.



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The One I am waiting For

The way he treats me get me crazy all days
why did he treat me like that?
I just dont know the answer, just dont know!
is it true that he is the one that I am waiting for?
I am waiting for the answer...I'll be waiting for
But I am sorry honey...I have to stop messaging you
I have to forget u though I really want u in every single day of my life
I am not ready for crying again
one thing you should know....I Miss You.
~Rhea~
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Cellphone I'm dreaming of

Nokia 7610--> Ups...just see thiz one
the cellphone I'm dreaming of

Sometimes I just don't understand why I always dream about this damn beautiful cellphone, Nokia 7610. For ordinary employee like me, this red-black phone is unreachable. It is the luxurious one. Its unique shape get me crazy whenever I see this.
One day, Nandini, one of friend brought this phone when we had a high school reunion in Classic Steak. I had seen on TV before. But when I see it with my own eyes, it really attracted me to be the one who owned the phone.
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Black Pearl Earring


Terkadang dalam lamunan menjelang tidur, aku merasa jika perlakuanku terhadap Renzo selama ini sedikit kejam. Namun ini adalah sebuah jalan yang telah aku putuskan jauh hari sebelum aku bertemu Renzo di pesta om Harya setengah tahun yang lalu. Hari ini Renzo memberiku sebuah kejutan. Bersama Rihad, Olik dan Kezha, mereka mengajakku ke pantai. Sebenarnya aku sudah menduga jika Renzo akan memberiku sesuatu, karena hari ini adalah ulang tahunku ke-24.
Benar dugaanku, ia memberiku sebuah bungkusan kecil terbungkus rapi. Ia memaksaku membuka bungkusan itu di depan Rihad, Olik dan Kezha.
Kado kecil itu berisi Sepasang anting mutiara hitam. Mata Kezha terbelalak melihat anting itu. Maafkan aku Kezha…. Satu hari nanti Renzo akan menyadari jika tak ada wanita yang mencintainya sepertimu. Renzo memintaku untuk mengenakannya minggu depan saat pesta ulang tahun papanya. Aku hanya menganggukkan kepala walaupun hatiku tidak pernah mengiyakannya. Sakit rasanya dada ini…entah mengapa hari ini aku teringat lagi pada Ibam. Aku tidak bisa mengingkarinya…jika hanya Ibam yang ada dan selalu ada!
~Rhea Winata~
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UNEQ-UNEQ......DAB

Bagaimana seharusnya aku mengungkapkan apa yang aku rasakan dalam benakku ini, menjadi sebuah pertanyaan tersendiri untukku. Kehadiran air mata yang selalu mengalir teratur setiap hari, mewarnai kesenduan dan kesedihan sejati. Aku tak pernah berhenti mencari jalan untuk membebaskan jiwaku yang terbelenggu lingkaran setan, entah setan atau apa, yang aku tahu aku tidak merdeka.
Mengapa aku menjadi seseorang yang harus selalu mengalah dan berkata “ya”, walaupun hati kecilku berontak dan ingin teriak “Tidaaaak”. Kesanggupan untuk membayangkan keruhnya pikiran yang terombang-ambing orientasi masa depan yang “blur”. Oh..betapa susahnya untuk bermimpi indah di malam hari. Ketika aku harus mengambil keputusan tersulit pun, terkadang aku juga harus “gila” terlebih dahulu.

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Sedih Ngga Sedih

Di bulan Januari kemarin banyak banget instansi2 pemerintah yang buka lowongan CPNS. Sedih banget karena aku ngga bisa apply dengan alasan yang amat simpel, semuanya harus S1. Yah mo gmna lagi, klo mo daftar pakai ijazah SMA juga nanggung. Akhirnya ya ngga bisa daftar. Pingin kuliah lagi, biaya belom cukup. Pusing..ngga mood nge-blog!! 0 comments

FigHtinG 4 New Life

Actually I am not feeling well for working today. But I insist myself to work or just show my face to the office. I'm responsible in handling the magazine plotting and many works that get me crazy. God, I'm little bit unsure about what I have done this morning. Alloh, You know that I have a lot of dreams deep down inside. I'm scare that I couldn't accomplish them. So then a question running in my head all time, when will they come true?. Somebody upstair said that we have gotta believe what we wish for. OoOh...no, I am a loser, damn loser who sell my soul to the faith. I have tried to climb the mountain without any tools or something. I am completely alone. No, no I am not alone, I have U God, here right here...inside of my heart.
Starting from this day, I choose to fight for living not only mine but also for them. I will do anything to reach my dreams, yes I will.
1 comments

JUst Waiting FoR the time 2 leave.....

I just dont know why it could be like thiz. Surrendering my faith to this fuckin damn .....NO WAY. At first I really feel comfort in a such place but why they treat me and my friends as if we were gadget robotic that have no brain at all. We are human and we need to be appreciated for what we've dedicate. It's so simple....give back our rights. Do U hear me?
This week I've passed through the days without any smiles or something special. ONCE AGAIN..NOTHING SPECIAL. I hate it...they suck our blood. They're vampires, fuckin damn vampires. I cried yesterday and the day before yesterday. I protested to them but they won't change their fuckin policies. Damn....I want to kick their ass. I am just an ordinary young woman whose no power to fight against them. There's no other way but strike...lets strike them! Friend, just prepare...!!
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ME YOU DON'T SEE

Menjelang waktu merebahkan jiwa diatas kedamaian dan cinta, yang telah menghilang dariku bertahun-tahun lamanya, aku sempat berpikir untuk tak pernah menikmatinya, meski sedetik saja. Terkadang aku merasa masih kuat untuk berlari mengejar kunang-kunang atau sekedar berjalan menikmati langit senja di atap rumah. Namun pada kenyataannya aku tak mampu melakukannya meski ada banyak orang yang menawarkan tangan mereka padaku.
Mungkin aku terlalu egois, apatis dengan lingkungan yang selalu memberiku cinta. Kenapa rasa untuk hadir dalam suasana kebahagiaan terlalu berat untukku. Aku lahir atas nama kesedihan, aku tumbuh juga atas nama penderitaan, dan kini aku dewasa atas nama kekecewaan. Banyak hal yang tak bisa aku ungkapkan dengan kata-kata. Aku hanya bisa tertawa dan sesaat kemudian meneteskan air mata.
Kebahagiaan adalah hal absurd dalam hidupku. Apapun yang disebut kebahagiaan selalu kalah dan akan hilang menguap seperti embun pagi diterik mentari. Sekali lagi sang pemenang adalah kesedihanku.
Satu hari, seseorang berbisik padaku,”There’ll be a miracle come to U someday. Just wait...”. Sebuah bisikan konyol. Tak pernah ada keajaiban dalam notebook hidupku. Yang ada hanya kesedihan.
~RHEA WINATA~
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I Hate Thiz Feeling.........

Apa yang ada dalam benak dan otakku saat ini tengah menyakitiku perlahan. Aku tidak pernah meminta rasa itu, tapi knapa ia harus datang tiba-tiba disaat segalanya sedang tenang. Di mana aku harus bersandar jika hal itu terjadi lagi, aku takut. Rasanya tak ada lagi stok air mata yang tersisa. Sialan, sialan.....aku benci rasa itu.
Ya Alloh, salahkah aku? aku takut semuanya akan terjadi lagi, saya lelah Ya Rabb...lelah sekali.
Hati saya lelah.....tolong saya...! Dewasakan hati ini agar menjadi tenang.

Why does it happen again, again and again?
I hate this feeling, fuckin' damn feeling...Gosh, it'll hurt me sooner or later.
Why, it comes to me again when I'm on the sky.
I don't wanna be such silly person who is always waiting for tears.
I never wanna be.
Alloh help me out to dump this thing away.
I ain't gonna cry no more.
I promise.................................................
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Sounds in my heart

Everyday is a way for me to conclude everything, but I still dont realize what kind of life it is.
I hope I could turn back the time coz it is hard to believe. Watching their smile in front of me is a time to draw back all I've got. I dream about the situation where I can pour up my minds in words. I really wish, wish and wish....tomorrow will be on my side. God, do you hear me? I scream loudly. Do you see me? I am standing here with my all tears and waiting for your light.
I miss them, all sweet memories that have lost in the dark.
I dont wanna be a person who gets crazy in love. I know that love is just a thing can kill me fastly. I am tired, tired with all of them. It seems I'll walk by myself.
silly writing...in my computer......
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Pagi Tanpa Cinta.....

Pagi ini, aku bangun tanpa cinta, pendek kata beban. Tidak ada satu wajah pun yang melintas, seperti setiap pagi di kos Asoka 2 tahun lalu. Wajah 1 lelaki, setiap pagi, setiap mata terbuka. Sangat menyiksa. Inilah yang ku inginkan, hidup yang seperti ini, tidak sedang mencinta. Bergegas mengguyur muka, bersujud pada yang Akbar, mohon keridhoan-Nya. Teringat satu janji, yang segera saja kuingkari dengan ketikan dosa, Maaf, Maaf..."Cinta-ku" aku tak boleh menatapmu besok, maka aku mengingkarinya. Sekali lagi juga pagi ini, kenapa pagi ini? entah, jangankan berpikir lagi, enyahlah dosa...! Esok, aku akan bertemu "soulmate" ku, kangen, kangen...ALLOH, Engkau Maha tahu isi hati ini, berilah dia sesuatu yang indah, karena aku mencintanya. Make all the dreams of my soulmate wishes for come true...please Alloh.

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